the faithless faithful

So....if a "christian" starts to doubt the existence of God, what does that allude to?  I have often found myself wondering this very thing.  We are brought up to believe a certain way, but in the end it is ultimately up to us to make our own decisions.  So what if everything you've been taught begins to fall away?  Is it not human nature to wonder?  To ask questions?  To seek truth?  Even the disciples doubted Jesus' resurrection until they saw him, and even still Thomas, even after having eye witnesses tell, would not believe until he saw Christ with his own eyes and placed his finger where the nail was.  Which is easier to say, "I don't believe in God", or "I won't believe until I see proof."  After three years, seeing miracles galore, they still had doubt.  Yet, if a self proclaimed Christian express doubt, they are extremely chastised.  Myself, like many others, I think, have experienced doubt.  I still do sometimes.  I have certain things I've prayed for, to which I've never seen come to fruition.  Does that mean anything?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I have struggled with my own faith, and I will not deny it.  I can't help but wonder if I'm destined to live a life alone, and if so, Why?  We see it every day, a preacher who fell from Grace.  Or a christian who is now an professed atheist.  I wonder what questions they had?  I wonder if they ever received an answer for inquiries they could not answer themselves.  What happened to cause them to turn away from the faith they so fervently preached and practiced?  I think others are too quickly to judge those individuals instead of trying to gain an understanding.  And that will cause what could have been a temporary lapse in faith to become a life-long decision to stay away.