the faithless faithful

So....if a "christian" starts to doubt the existence of God, what does that allude to?  I have often found myself wondering this very thing.  We are brought up to believe a certain way, but in the end it is ultimately up to us to make our own decisions.  So what if everything you've been taught begins to fall away?  Is it not human nature to wonder?  To ask questions?  To seek truth?  Even the disciples doubted Jesus' resurrection until they saw him, and even still Thomas, even after having eye witnesses tell, would not believe until he saw Christ with his own eyes and placed his finger where the nail was.  Which is easier to say, "I don't believe in God", or "I won't believe until I see proof."  After three years, seeing miracles galore, they still had doubt.  Yet, if a self proclaimed Christian express doubt, they are extremely chastised.  Myself, like many others, I think, have experienced doubt.  I still do sometimes.  I have certain things I've prayed for, to which I've never seen come to fruition.  Does that mean anything?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I have struggled with my own faith, and I will not deny it.  I can't help but wonder if I'm destined to live a life alone, and if so, Why?  We see it every day, a preacher who fell from Grace.  Or a christian who is now an professed atheist.  I wonder what questions they had?  I wonder if they ever received an answer for inquiries they could not answer themselves.  What happened to cause them to turn away from the faith they so fervently preached and practiced?  I think others are too quickly to judge those individuals instead of trying to gain an understanding.  And that will cause what could have been a temporary lapse in faith to become a life-long decision to stay away.

Maleficent (muh-lef-uh-suh nt)

adjective

1. doing evil or harm; harmfully malicious

Malicious  (muh-lish-uh s)

adjective

1.

full of, characterized by, or showing malice; malevolent; spiteful:

malicious gossip.

2.

Law. vicious, wanton, or mischievous in motivation or purpose.

I just finished watching the movie, "Maleficent" and I have to say, its a good movie, showing an opposing view on the typical Disney fairy tale of Aurora in Sleeping Beauty.  It shows a different side of the story with a different ending.  Now me, being the type of person I am, always tend to read into things a bit more than I should, and I took an in-depth meaning from it, and realized just how much it actually plays into real life.  It tells the story of how Maleficent was once a fairy (which holds true to the original story) and was betrayed by the one she loved.  This caused her to become scorned with a feeling of betrayal.  How could love exist when the one she truly cared for took her love to betray her and still her wings.  How ironic is it that it said we soar on the wings of love, and her love betrayed stole her wings.  Her heart crushed, she became resentful and acted on that betrayal to put forth the curse.  After some time had passed, she came to regret that curse.  Sound familiar?  Ironically, it was her love for the Aurora that broke the curse.  The love of a child renewed her heart and taught her that love does exist if we only look in the right place for it.  This movie actually made me feel sorry for Maleficent and the heart ache she had to endure.  We all at some point, have felt betrayed by someone we truly cared for.  It made us resent that person.  After such heart ache, it is hard for us to trust in love again, or put our heart out there.  I know it has for me.  I have put my heart out there only to have it betrayed.  I could relate with Maleficent in the scorn and resentment that she endured.  In the end, it was her kiss on the forehead that broke the curse.  The thing she hated came to be the thing she loved.  How true it is for us in real life.  We are afraid to love because of a past experience.  How long will we live in that resentment and scorn?  How long before we learn to love again?

A life less ordinary

Throughout my entire life, I have had friends come and go.  Some, that were once close are now far away, and vice-versa.  No matter how hard we try, it seems we can't keep those from drifting away.  I can't help but wonder what things happen in life to cause such things.  Now don't get me wrong, we have those life long friends that we keep, but others, it seems, are only here for a season, and like the leaves of autumn, they change and eventually fall away. 

The same could be said of relationships.  We eventually (hopefully) find that one that will be life long, but until that point, we have seasons of change.  Those that come and go out of our life, and make a change in us that we either embrace or run from.  Some have had many seasons of change, while others have had a very few.  This is where I fall....the very few.  It could be said that I am too picky, and to an extent, I am.  I am very cautious who I let in close, and even more cautious who I reveal my true self to.  Yet, I get upset because it seems that I have been single forever, and no matter how much I try to open up or show interests in someone, its going to ultimately result in failure.  That there won't even be a chance given.  The winter of relationships can be very harsh and cold, and seemingly lasting for years.  Just when we think we see a glimpse of spring, winter rears his ugly head, and brings back the cold, lifeless weather upon us.

But even in all that, I can't help but notice the trees.  They lose all their leaves.  The leaves fall to the waste side, curl up and die.  They eventually wilt up and fade away, yet the tree stands tall and strong, longing for spring so it can produce new leaves, just as brilliant as the year before.  Even the rose of winter survives.  In the midst of the cold blues and greys, a red rose will unfold its beauty as a reminder that nothing last forever, and even in the worst of times, beauty can still be found.  This is what keeps me hoping.  Hoping that my one will come along, if only for a season.

Cool night breeze blowing through the naked trees cry out as a wolf to the moon shivering like the rose of winter covered by the luminous pearl blanket void of warmth longing for a single ray of a golden touch to feel alive.



Silver strands of the white clouds floating above bring the rain to wash away the past that cannot be reclaimed through vicarious living of a false lie that grasp for the change of a future that holds too far away to understand the meaning behind the cause of an incandescent vision too blurred to receive within the self.



The immoral encompass that has overshadowed the self being has allowed for the realization of false truth. The desire to find that which is unobtainable strives for perfection that can not be reached in earthly form. The emphasis is the excuse for that which has a blind eye turned. It's the risk for that which is wanted but the fear controls the lies which spill from the mouth and a chance not taken. It is nothing more than a dream pertained to a false reality.